GENTLENESS

 

Strength Under Control

Pastoral Messages by Matriarch Elnette Edwards

My dear family,

In a world that values aggression, dominance, and self-promotion, gentleness seems weak. But gentleness is not weakness—it's strength under control. It's power harnessed for good. It's the ability to be forceful but choosing to be tender, to be strong but choosing to be kind.

Jesus described Himself as "gentle and lowly in heart." This is the same Jesus who overturned tables in the temple, who confronted religious hypocrisy, who calmed storms with a word. He wasn't weak—He was the most powerful person who ever lived. But He exercised His power with gentleness, especially toward the vulnerable, the broken, and the marginalized.

I've had to learn gentleness the hard way. By nature, I'm strong-willed and direct. I see what needs to be done and I go after it with determination. Those qualities have served me well in leadership, but I've also learned that strength without gentleness can wound people, that directness without compassion can crush spirits, and that determination without sensitivity can bulldoze over others' feelings.

God taught me through a painful lesson. There was a young woman in our ministry who was struggling, making poor choices, and I confronted her—rightfully so, but harshly. I spoke truth, but not in love. I was right, but not gentle. She left the church, and it took years before she returned to faith. When we eventually reconciled, she told me, "Your words were true, but they were so harsh that I couldn't receive them. I felt condemned, not corrected."

That broke my heart and changed how I lead. I learned that gentleness makes truth more receivable. When we speak with gentleness, people's defenses come down. They can hear what we're saying because they sense we're for them, not against them. Gentleness creates safety for growth and transformation.

Gentleness is especially important in conflict. A gentle answer turns away wrath, Scripture tells us. When someone comes at you aggressively, responding with gentleness disarms them. It demonstrates self-control and spiritual maturity. It refuses to escalate the situation and instead creates space for resolution.

Gentleness also characterizes how we should treat those who are hurting. The Bible says Jesus won't break a bruised reed or snuff out a smoldering wick. When someone is already broken, already struggling, already at the end of their rope—they don't need our harshness, they need our gentleness. They need tender care, patient understanding, and compassionate support.

But gentleness isn't passivity. You can be gentle and still hold people accountable. You can be gentle and still speak difficult truths. You can be gentle and still maintain boundaries. Gentleness is about how you do what you need to do—with consideration for others' dignity, with awareness of their wounds, with a desire to help rather than harm.

I've also learned that gentleness starts with how we treat ourselves. Many of us are incredibly harsh in our self-talk, beating ourselves up for every mistake, never extending to ourselves the grace we'd give others. But the Bible says to love our neighbors as ourselves—which implies we must love ourselves. Be gentle with yourself. Speak to yourself with kindness. Acknowledge your efforts, not just your failures.

Today, I invite you to embrace gentleness—not as weakness, but as strength. Be gentle in your speech. Be gentle in your responses. Be gentle with the broken. Be gentle with yourself. Gentleness is a mark of spiritual maturity and a reflection of the character of Christ.

Gently leading, 

Matriarch Elnette Edwards